Dancing.

General recurring elements:  - There seems to be a generalized idea that empathy  +  acknowledging   students are some of the most important things a teacher can do. - Dancers feel like the human  connection is the best thing a teacher can give them. (This was the overall number one thing that stuck with them the most...). - Having  long-term goals is one of the most important things (psychologically) for dance injury management. - Men seem to prefer a  more competitive learning environment than women. When I first approached the book Decolonizing Methodologies , I truly struggled to understand the connection with my work/research/MA...it made no sense to me. But one sentence resonated with me...and that was along the lines of 'understanding our responsibility as a researcher'. We can't go, ask people to share parts of their lives, leave...and expect that nothing has changed in them, and in us. Something DID. I took it as my 'mission', in this fieldwo...

  Pforzheim, 10th September 2022 I just finished reading Wolcott's Context as an Observer Guide , and I believe it could be the perfect framework for my reflective essay. I hope I can use it. The reason why I am so drawn to it, is that it provides guidelines to highlight PAST-PRESENT & FUTURE contexts (a.k.a. limitations...). They are a blessing in disguise for a research project. They provide structure & guidance... and are the limits through which we learn and grow... Past - How did the existing literature inform and limit me? How did the context in which I am studying (Dance Technique Pedagogy) influence the gaze through which I observe the topic? Present - Practical problems linked to my current predicament. How does the amount of time limit & guide my study? How does my inability to be in three different places at the same time influence the choices I have to make in this research project? Future - How does the awareness, of the formats in which I have to present ...

  Pforzheim, September 8th 2022   'Learning - in the   broad enculturative sense of coming to understand what one needs to know to be competent in the roles one may expect to fulfill in society [...] is an ongoing process in which each human engages throughout a lifetime. In Brad's case, the direction that process was taking seemed to reflect all too well what he felt society expected of him: Nothing.'  (Wolcott 1994) Wow...this quote shocked me...but it is somewhat true. In a minor way, I feel like I experienced something similar, and I have enough of a grasp of what it means to feel that way to be able to start relating to it. As a dancer in a company, when you feel like no one expects something of you, you feel worthless. You start questioning everything and often make questionable choices to try to fix things (e.g. starving yourself thinking they don't like you because you are too big, or overtraining in your free time because they make you feel like yo...

Pforzheim, September 6th 2022 I am thinking of using Wolcott's 'Progressive Focusing' method. It reminds me of Leder's background  vs focused  'body usage' (ecstatic vs recessive body).   How, in doing this MA, am I choosing to acknowledge my body's healthy state? This is something I never thought about before... It has made me reflect on how I tend to put my body too much in the 'background', and this may lead to injuries.  I am working more intellectually  than I ever have in years...however, I feel strangely more aware of how important my body is. I feel like this journey is making me challenge Descartes' body-mind dualism. I am starting to reflect on ways in which I can incorporate this lesson into my teaching practice. How are body and mind supporting one another throughout all aspects of life?  

Keeping a reflective journal has taught me so much about myself...some things I appreciate more than others...but oh well...what we learn is what we learn...we can't really pick. Writing has made me realize that for so many years I have 'subdued' myself & my truth for the  fear  of being rejected/pushed away/fired...etc. Too many times I have suppressed my thoughts and my feelings thinking "it's ok...", "it doesn't matter..." when in reality I knew things were NOT OK...and DID MATTER...at least to me.  I now realize that these behavioural patterns I created to 'survive' in this very competitive world, played a big role in squishing me into boxes I felt 'suffocated' by. And somehow, these behaviours, succeeded in making me become 'less visible'... quite the paradox for someone who is working and living as a professional performing artist.  But where has the person  behind the artist  gone? Picture by Bernd Hentschel Eve...