Crossroads

Crossroads

Confusion...and a little frustration...

That's what I feel in/at myself this evening...

Maybe it's because of Covid, and me not feeling great, but in this second Module, I feel like I am struggling a little bit more than I was in my first one. 

Where do I stand? Where?

I feel somewhat in a balance/in-balance between rationality and free-flow...

I can be practical and pragmatic, and I can get lost in my ideas, but where should I stand in this MA journey?

Where?

Is it wrong for me to want to know where it wants me to go? 
Because I feel like I am at a crossroads...

I have no problem going one way or another...but I just feel like I'd want someone to choose for me.

Not that I'd have a problem choosing for myself. 
I could, and I would be happy either road I took...

Intellectually. 

But I have the feeling  that I would always be accompanied by doubt.

Doubt that I made some mistakes according to others...but should that really affect me this much?

I don't know.

I am not lost, but I am making myself feel lost. Why?

Why can't I let go?

This MA is about becoming an independent learner, but I feel 'trapped' by the need for reassurance.

I feel ready to go any which way is indicated, but why can't I let go of this need?




Comments

  1. Natasha Goldstein-OpasiakFebruary 21, 2022 at 8:44 PM

    Elly, thank you for being so courageous, open and honest in this blog post! You describe how you are feeling lost and trapped by the need for reassurance... Well this is me reassuring you that this crossroads of which you currently find yourself, is leading you to a door which is about to open to greatness.

    I think confusion and frustration are all part of this learning journey and without these feelings, you'd be doing something wrong... or perhaps not immersing yourself enough!! So take comfort in knowing you are on the right track and are continuing to develop your critical thinking and are positioning yourself without knowing into a space of great resource for the start of your Module 2 journey!

    Plus you just had Covid, so all Knowledge, Learning and Information aside... give yourself a break! You're doing great x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EllyFebruary 22, 2022 at 11:24 AM

      Dear Natasha, thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and for your encouraging words. They mean a lot! I wish you a wonderful day! Elly x

      Delete
  2. Lorraine BennettFebruary 23, 2022 at 12:37 AM

    Dear Elly,

    I'm a module 3. I've been officially told I've got it wrong. Often. It didn't hurt, I learnt from it and moved on - or at least sideways? I thought there was no wrong, but I was wrong about that too. To doubt oneself is normal, it demonstrates our awareness that there is a bigger picture than what we will ever know or can even fathom, even about ourselves if that makes sense.

    I hope your health improves very soon. Take care of yourself!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EllyFebruary 24, 2022 at 11:51 AM

      Dear Lorraine, thank you so much for stopping by my blog, and for leaving a comment. What you are saying is really thought provoking to me. Especially the sentence "I thought there was no wrong, but I was wrong about that too". It really gets me thinking... Thank you for sharing this with me! I wish you the best of luck on your Module 3 journey!

      Delete
  3. Melody EdgeFebruary 23, 2022 at 7:17 PM

    Hi Elly, I'm a module one and was part of the Sunday discussion group. I was struck by how open and honest you were about your feelings around what path you should be taking. It was really brave and admirable. It has inspired me to be much more vocal about my thoughts and insecurities at this point in my studies, and to ask for help if I need it. I hope that you shake covid off very soon and find the reassurance that you need, whether that be through yourself or others. Melody.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EllyFebruary 24, 2022 at 11:58 AM

      Dear Melody! Thank you so much for your sweet comment! Still fighting Covid, but it is getting better by the day :)! I am happy it inspired you to also reach out for help along this study journey. It can get quite lonely studying long distance, and not having friends and colleagues to bounce off ideas and thoughts...so by now, I realised that my only opportunity to reach out for advise, suggestions and help from colleagues, is during those sessions. And I think it is good to know we are all on this same path! :)
      But now I see these blogs can be there for that too! Which is lovely! Please feel free to reach out any time here as well! I'll help you with what I can. Thank you so much for stopping by! I wish you a wonderful day! Elly

      Delete
  4. PiMarch 25, 2022 at 9:42 AM

    Ellie, thank you for sharing! I'm in module one and I feel you. I believe the doubts appear because of our curiosity, and there will always be something we can learn and change. The reassurance would be the key as you care, you are passionate and give150% into everything you do.
    I hope you feel better soon, and keep going, you are doing great!
    Pi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EllySeptember 13, 2022 at 7:27 AM

      Dear Pi, thank you so much for your sweet encouraging message, and sorry for the massive delay in replying, I unfortunately saw the comment just now! I wish you a wonderful beginning of term! :) Elly x

      Delete

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